Cold hands, warm shart.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
