Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
