is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
