Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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