And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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