Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
