I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
