That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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