My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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