the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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