Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
