I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
