yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
