I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
