YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
