I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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