whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
