Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
