I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
