dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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