We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
