Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
