So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
