Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
