are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
