"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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