This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
