i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
soo... how was my night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
