my vag is so smooth its legendary
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
