I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
