Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
