Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
