I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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