My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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