I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
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Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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