She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
