Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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