you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
