shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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