dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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