I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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