Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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