Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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