Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
