Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
