So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
