I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
