Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
