Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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