I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
