Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
