Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
