You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
