just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
