Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
