i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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