Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
