this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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