am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
