I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
