Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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