I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize