Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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