don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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