Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well you can't waste a boner
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
