Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
