why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
