i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
