Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize