I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
birth control should be required to get into college
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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