When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize