highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You are a genius and a whore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
